If you want to get your ex back, take heart: it is possible. Just as people break up every day, they also make up every day. So don't ever lose hope. There is a future for the two of you - together again - as long as you make sure you that you manage your post-breakup/pre-reconciliation emotions well.
And this means that you need keep a cool head whenever you have the opportunity to talk to your ex. In particular, you need to be aware of - and of avoid committing at all costs - the "reconciliation killers" that people so commonly utter - best of intentions or not - in conversation with their ex.
Following are five statements that will kill your chances of getting together again with your ex if you make the mistake of saying them.
#1 Killer of Your Chances to Get Your Ex Back: "But I love you..."
Of course you do. Your feelings for you ex aren't the problem. His or her feelings for you are. Saying to your ex "but I love you" will have one or the other of two consequences for you, depending on the situation:
- You will make your ex feel awkward and uncomfortable and he or she will want to avoid any contact with you
- If you were guilty of not expressing your feelings (enough) in the past, your ex will simply think "a little too little and a little too late"
As much as you may want to blurt out "but I love you" at the top of your lungs when you talk to your ex., do not do it.
Suck it up, stay strong, and know that being reserved is the right move at the moment.
#2 Killer of Your Chances to Get Your Ex Back: "I can change..."
Sure you can. But will you? That's the problem with that kind of a statement. Everyone can change. But few people do, because change is hard and most people are unwilling to do what's hard.
I know, I know. You're different. But guess what? Your ex is onto you. As soon as those words fall off your tongue, your ex will be thinking "sure you can... then why didn't you change when we were together?"
It sounds insincere because it is insincere (no matter how much a person means it at the time, it rarely translates into action.
If you feel you need to change, then change first. Let your ex see that you have changed for him or herself - without any self-promotion from you - and you will dramatically improve your chances of getting back together again.
#3 Killer of Your Chances to Get Your Ex Back: "No one will ever love you as much as I do..."
Really? No one? Ever?
Were you in a relationship before this one? Do you love your most recent ex more than your previous ex (or exes)? You know you do, which is why you want him or her back so badly (if not, then it's too bad this article didn't exist back then).
Do not delude yourself into thinking that your ex won't ever find someone who will love him or her as much as you do.
They can, and they know they can. That's part of the reason they left you.
#4 Killer of Your Chances to Get Your Ex Back: "You've met someone else, haven't you..."
If you ever say this, it's obvious that your ex has not said anything to you about having met someone else, so why would you throw this in his or her face?
If your ex has met someone else, trying to pressure him or her into a discussion about it will only lead to your descent into a pit of jealousy and depression. And nothing good comes of those emotional states.
If your ex has not met someone else, then badgering him or her about something that isn't true is a surefire way shut down your chances because you are, essentially, calling your ex a liar.
No one wants to stay in touch with someone - let alone get back together again with someone - who has implied or accused him or her of being a liar.
#5 Killer of Your Chances to Get Your Ex Back: "Please, I'm begging you..."
There is no better way to kill your chances of getting your ex back - faster -than begging him or her to take you back. All of the respect your ex had had for you - up to that point - will disappear. And, with it, your chances of a reconciliation.
You need show strength - even if it's an act - in the face of this trying situation. You need your ex to respect you more - not less - after a breakup if you're hoping to reconcile. You need to build on - and up - all of the positive feelings your ex has for you in order to set the stage for getting back together.
Begging is not the way to do it.
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